(A few things to consider)

By the Rev. Ken Howard

These days it seems like the leadership of every congregation thinks the answer to their dwindling or stagnant membership and attendance numbers is to attract young families: specifically, growing their congregations by bringing in families with young children. But is that really the answer? And if it is, how do we go about attracting them? 

First, a reality check. Are there any families with your children in your neighborhood?  The Neighborhood Insights Report can answer that question. If there aren’t any young families, it’s a moot point. If there are, then you need to ask a different question.

Next, ask WHY? Specifically, why do you want to focus on young families? Your WHY reason cannot be “to grow the church,” because if that is the primary reason for any strategy, that strategy will ultimately fail. If your strategy is to succeed, it will be because serving young families is a key part of your vision and mission: what you believe God is calling you to do. If you are uncertain about your vision and mission, you may want to take the Congregational Vitality Assessment, of which a whole section is focused on that area of church life.

Okay, so you’ve determined that there are young families in your community and you have discerned that God is calling you to serve them, what then?

First, find out where they live. You want to look for neighborhoods in which young families predominate and in which some of your congregants already live. A good demographic mapping platform, like MapDash for Faith Communities, can help you do that. 

Next, go out and talk to them. Don’t assume you know what their needs and desires might be.

Don’t ask them if they know Jesus. Don’t ask them to visit your congregations. Instead, tell them you are visiting people in their neighborhood to find out how we might best partner with them to make their neighborhoods a better place for them to live their lives. Ask them questions like: 

• What kinds of things are most important to you? 
• What kinds of things do you want for your kids? For yourselves? 
• How can we partner with the people of your community to achieve those things?

Then listen…deeply. Take notes. Ask clarifying questions. Then, when the time seems right, thank them for their time, leave a card with an email address in case they think of anything else they want to tell you about. Some may ask you to let them know what kinds of things you decide to do. If so, get their contact information.

Some may ultimately visit your congregation. Many won’t. Do not worry.

God will bring the people meant to be with you.

For those young families that do visit, here are a few points to keep in mind:

1. Welcome warmly but gently. Don’t make a fuss over them. Don’t act like you’re desperate for them to join. Today’s young families don’t like that (if anyone ever did). Greet them as though they are already part of your church family…because they are.

2. Make it easy for them to keep their children with them in the worship area. Today’s young parents tend to prefer keeping their children with them in worship services. Soft toys, bible coloring books: all good. A place inside the worship area for them to go and play with those toys and bible coloring books, should they or their parents choose, in which everything is child size: even better.

Some may ask, “Won’t the children be bored in a regular church service?” Maybe. But if they are, you can be sure the adults are, too. They’re just better at hiding it. Better to make it more interesting for everyone.

3. Deliver sermons that are engaging, to the point, and relatively short. No 3-point sermons. No 30-minute sermons. Shoot for 12 minutes…15 max. In one congregation I attended that had multiple clergy, I watched as a young mom sat embarrassed as her two kids squirmed through a such a sermon. A few weeks later she came again (I was surprised). When she saw it was the same preacher, she took her two kids and left, never to be seen again.

4. Don’t make visitors stand up and introduce themselves at the break. See #1.

5. Offer both adult and children’s Christian formation – run concurrently. Make sure both are as close as possible to the worship space, not on a different floor or building. Proximity connotes importance. Children won’t think something is important unless their parents do it, too.

6. When setting up your programs, think creatively about winter, summer, and other breaks, when working parents need childcare. Be creative. Play to your strengths. One congregation I know that had a strong music program and a surfeit of musicians, held a music camp on every break and more than once during summer vacation. They asked parishioners and music stores to donate instruments. After getting several older pianos donated they repaired and tuned them, and began offering a summer piano camp.

7. Offer outreach programs in the same communities you visited earlier. Base those programs on what they shared with you. If you let people see your commitment to their neighborhoods, they are more likely to visit yours.

These are just a few of many possibilities your congregation may want to explore. Hopefully, they can prime your pump and get your juices flowing.

And should you need our help, you can reach us at info@faithx.net.